he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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