remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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