If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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