honey bunches of taint.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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