so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
