yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
