the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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