i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
