yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
