angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
