On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
