I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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