Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
