Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
