I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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