i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
