I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
