We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
