Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
