Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
