Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
