Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
