I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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