:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You can't special order awesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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