She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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