How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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