Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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