Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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