a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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