He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
