Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
