I want to walk on stilts...naked
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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