i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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