I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize