I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
