a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
