I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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