Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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