I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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