dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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