It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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