Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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