i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
