apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
