you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
