i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
