It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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