I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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