i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
