wanna go halves on a baby?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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