I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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