Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
