at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize