Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
