You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Four minutes until I can fart!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I pour the whiskey from now on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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