There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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