Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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