He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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