At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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