Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
