Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
