Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if only i could text you this smell
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
