i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
