Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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