I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
