Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
