we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
