Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
