I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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