I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
