id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
