My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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